If you only knew what I just dealt with. This guy in front of me...
That guy deserves a ticket!
A woman never reveals her age.
...going ten miles an hour on the highway...
And only then will the people of Tajikistan know true and lasting peace.
Andie, it's brilliant. It's really moving.
But it's never going to appear in Composure magazine.
I busted my butt in grad school to be Andie Anderson, How To girl.
And write articles like, How To Use The Best Pick-up Lines,
Do Blondes, Like, Really Have More Fun?
I want to write about things that matter, like politics and the environment.
- Things I'm interested in. - Keep at it, you'll get there.
Hey, I have something to cheer you up.
That editor from Sports Illustrated you've been flirting with on the phone
for about a month now, he made a little delivery this morning.
Let me see.
- Tomorrow night... - What happens?
Only the most exhilarating display of athletic competition known to man.
- The Icecapades? - No, the NBA finals.
And I got tickets.
- Come with me? - All right. But I am not putting out.
Two jumbo dogs and a couple of beers, you'll be whistling a different tune.
You know what I like.
Morning, ladies. Don't forget, staff meeting in 30 minutes.
- Haven't seen Michelle yet. - Ten to one she's wallowing.
My turn, I'll get her. You get coffee.
Wait, take some samples.
Samples, great idea!
Oh, boy. Drama, drama, drama.
Hello, Ben.
Hey, good morning, Spears.
What's that? Catching up on current events?
Turn-on Tricks, How To Make Him Hot...
Wanna try those out some time?
Green and I have an appointment at Composure,
the fastest-growing women's magazine in the country.
As our clients run a lot of our campaigns in their nationally-syndicated magazine,
it wouldn't hurt to read it.
- Hey, Benny. - Morning, Green.
- Finally decided to show? - Yes.
- Ready? - Ready. Later, Ben.
Have a nice day, ladies.
Hi.
Good morning, sunshine.
OK, get dressed.
Staff meeting, fifteen minutes. Let's go.
I'm going back to bed.
- I have no reason to live. - The sun's out.
- OK, I'll just... - You do now!
Cashmere?
It'll make your eyes look fiercely green.
Get up. I won't let you lose your job as well.
- Come here. - Oh, Andie...
- OK? - OK.
You only dated the guy a week.
- It was the best week of my life! - Sweetheart...
Good morning, ladies.
What's up, T-Dog?
Morning.
- What's up, kitty cat? - Hi, Daddy. Big night?
- Not bad. - Orgy?
- Where were you? - Not at an orgy.
- You hear? - That the Knicks made the finals
and Tone the Bone here owes me $20?
You were right. DeLauer Diamonds wants a new ad agency.
- Warren wants to move aggressively. - Yes! Oh, this is a good day.
Diamonds are as common as taxis on Fifth Avenue.
Their value is entirely sentimental,
maintained by supply, demand and advertising.
Stripes. DeLauer dominates the world diamond market,
so if I represent them, I represent the entire industry.
- What? - Warren gave it to the Judys.
- Spears and Green are already on it. - No!
- He's kinda partial to hot, leggy chicks. - We're the sneakers and beer guys.
- Precious gems aren't our forte. - Lips and Hips are at Chicks magazine.
- I gotta get to Warren... - He's on a plane.
Easy. Chicago meeting.
It's too late. They're meeting at Mullins tonight.
This isn't happening. This was my tip.
It'll be my pitch, my account, my campaign.
- They will not ace me out of this. - I heard that.
- OK. Mullins, tonight. - I heard that?
- Hi. - Hi.
- I don't really want to talk about it, OK? - OK.
Why does this always happen to me?
Things are great for a week and a half, and suddenly it's over. I'm mystified.
Seriously, I am mystified, 'cause it always starts so well.
Just roll with it.
Mike and I had such a connection.
The first time we had sex, it was so beautiful...
...I cried.
- You cried? - Yeah.
One glistening tear on your cheek, right?
No, I was really emotional. I even told him I loved him.
- After how many days? - Five. Two.
I wanted to express what I felt.
OK. Well, what did he say?
Mike didn't have to say anything. I know that he felt the same.
But then he got really busy. I never knew where he was.
So I kept calling him...
- You kept calling him? - I didn't leave a message.
He didn't know it was me, my number's blocked.
I'm sure he thought it was a friend.
Men often call their friends' answerphones and hang up.
Anyway, I know why he dumped me.
- I'm too fat. - You're not fat!
If the most beautiful woman in the world acted like you, a guy would still run away.
No guy would go running from you, Andie.
You could barf all over him and he'd say, Do it again.
That was both disgusting and untrue.
If I did what you did, I'd get dumped too.
OK, family, shoes off.
And breathe...
Out.
OK, Lori, let's start with you.
The Botox For Beginners piece is done. It's a little scary, but mostly upbeat.
Now I'm on What Your Gyno Won't Tell You. Also scary but... upbeat.
I've been researching deadly pedicures, about the woman who got that fungus.
It's a terrible story,
although surprisingly... upbeat.
Marvellous. What's next for How To With Andie?
I've been working on something different.
- It's a political piece... - No.
You work at Composure magazine.
We are fashion, trends, diets, cosmetic surgery, salacious gossip.
- OK, but... - Look, Andie...
The column is new for you. Turn it into a must-read, then write what you want.
Until then, you write about whatever I want.
- Understood? - Yeah.
Michelle, what have you got?
- Sorry, Lana, I wasn't very well. - She got dumped.
Oh, no, Michelle.
What a hellish ordeal for you. But I must say you look fabulous.
Are we loving the way she looks, all?
You're so right, she looks great.
- I haven't eaten since the split. - Good for you. Write about it.
- I can't use my personal life for a story. - I understand.
- Who'll use her personal life for a story? - I will.
No, Lana. With all due respect, Lori has no business in my personal life.
- I'll do it. - What?
I'll sort of do it. It's... You will be my inspiration.
For?
Look at Michelle. She's a great girl, right?
- Yes... - An amazing woman.
But she has a problem hanging on to relationships
and doesn't really know what she's doing wrong, like a lot of our readers.
So, I was thinking,
I could start by dating a guy, then drive him away.
But only using the classic mistakes most women, like Michelle,
make all the time.
I'll keep a diary of it and it will be sort of a...
...a dating How To in reverse.
- What not to do. - Yeah.
How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days. Yes. Go.
- Bart, what's new in the shoe? - Wait.
Why ten days?
Five days is too short, we go to press in eleven.
We found men are attracted to purple shoes.
Thank you.
Maybe toss in something spiritual. Who's that chic Buddhist Richard Gere knows?
- The Dalai Lama. - He's great. Here's my ten o'clock.
- Welcome. - Hi.
Ladies. Judy Spears and Judy Green from Warren Advertising.
We're going to cook up some fabulous tie-ins for the fall.
Jeannie Ashcroft, fashion and trends.
Michelle Rubin, fitness and health.
Andie Anderson, our resident How To girl.
I've seen your column. What are you working on?
How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days.
She's going to start dating a guy and drive him away in a week and a half.
- Sounds needlessly vicious. - It's going to be fabulous.
Now she just has to find the lucky guy.
- Go, go, go. - Nice to meet you.
Find the guy. Find the guy!
You are never going to pull this off.
Watch me. Tonight I'll hook a guy,
tomorrow I'll pull the switch. In ten days he'll be running for his life.
You won't burn his apartment down or anything, will you?
No, I'll limit myself to everything girls do wrong in relationships.
Everything we know guys hate.
- I'll be clingy, needy... - Touchy-feely.
Call him at night and tell him what you ate that day.
What's wrong with that? I'm kidding.
Hello, Ben. What are you doing here?
- Phil, I'm here for the meeting. - You weren't invited.
But I should've been. DeLauer was my tip.
Yes, it was. But I have to decide who's best suited in the company.
Yes, and that's me. I wanna do this pitch.
You sell Joe Blow better than anyone.
But these girls sell luxury better than anyone else in the business.
We put our best foot forward. DeLauer would be our biggest account.
Yes, annual advertising billings of 50 to 60 million dollars.
And I'm the man to bring this home for you.
- Why this place? - It's perfect.
Hi, Ingrid. Mullins is the apres work watering hole for the upwardly mobile.
The diamond industry has always targeted men.
The message is, a woman needs a man to buy the rock.
They say a diamond is forever. We say, A diamond is for everyone.
- I like that. - We don't.
A diamond is for everyone?
It sends the message that diamonds are everywhere. So, they're not rare.
If they're not rare, they lose their status.
Status is the reason to buy them,
as Benjamin would know if he understood women. But you don't.
You can't feel bad about that, Ben. No man does.
- There you go. - Thank you.
Sorry.
- Here you are. - Thanks.
Don't pressure her, she's perusing.
Yes, exactly.
Selling a diamond to a woman is like making her fall in love.
She has to feel giddy, desirous, adventurous and desperate.
Take a look around, Phillip. Most of the women here are looking for just that.
So, marketing diamonds
demands the same skills as making a woman fall in love.
I don't mean lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.
I'm not talking about lust either.
I'm talking about deep, meaningful, head-over-heels, let's-grow-old-together
L- O-V-E.
Look, I love women. I do.
Whether they're 4, 40 or my 88-year-old grandmother, I respect women.
And I also listen to women.
That's why I can sell myself to any woman, anywhere, any time.
Make a woman fall in love with diamonds, or with you?
- Either one. - That's cocky, Ben.
No, not cocky, confident.
- I'd like you to prove that. - You would?
The agency is co-hosting a party for the DeLauers at the Astor Museum.
It's a week Sunday. Can you make a woman fall in love with you by then?
- Ten days? - Any woman, anywhere, any time.
Any single, available, straight woman, yes.
Yes. I'm not trying to trick you, Ben. In fact, we'll choose a woman right here.
Right now, in this bar. And then you decide.
- So, who's the lucky girl? - OK. Let's see here.
That blonde babe in the leopard print looks like fun.
- Be nice, ladies. - Or... Miss Babylon Five.
Now, she's on the prowl.
No. Her.
- Her who? - In the grey dress. Blonde, pretty smile.
Her?
- Done. - What?
- Done. - Done.
See the guy next to the horrible guy in the green shirt that I'd never consider?
- See that guy? - Very cute.
- Good. - Here I go.
OK, you're on. But here are the stakes.
- After I win, this pitch is mine. - Agreed.
- Phil? - Agreed.
Come to that party with a girl that's really in love with you, and you make the pitch.
- But, Phillip, you can't... - I've made up my mind.
- To the DeLauers. - The DeLauers.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
I was just wondering if you find...
Exciting.
Yes. My wife and I love New York. Especially at this time of year.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi.
- Enjoy New York. - OK.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
- Good luck. - Thank you, Phil.
Now, if you'll excuse me, ladies, I have a bet to win.
Ta-ta.
- What's going on? - You don't recognise her?
- Hi. - Hi.
- Andie Anderson. - Benjamin Barry.
- Cute. - Thank you.
I meant your name.
Thank you two times.
- Unattached? - Currently.
- Likewise. - Surprising.
- Psycho? - Rarely.
- Interested? - Perhaps.
- Hungry? - Starving.
- Leaving. - Now?
- OK. - OK.
One second.
I'll meet you at the door.
- Hey, guys. I think I've got one. - He was married.
No, not him. It's the guy by the door. But don't look! Guys!
- He's really cute. - I'll check him out, see if he's a keeper.
And if he is?
- Tomorrow night, I'II... - Flip the switch.
- I'm doing this for you. - Good luck. Be safe.
- Call me. - Drama, drama, drama.
No, no. This one.
You get to wear the goofy-looking helmet.
- This won't look goofy on me. - It does on everybody.
Look at you.
Pretty damn cute.
There you go.
- Ready to go for a ride, Andie? - Are you ready to go for a ride, Ben?
- Get it. Get it? - Yeah.
- So, what do you think? - About the food or you?
Both.
This is delicious. And I'm still deciding.
- Anything I can do to help? - You can answer some questions.
Some is too indefinite. I'll give you three.
- What do you do? - I'm in advertising.
Alcoholic beverages, athletic equipment,
and I'm trying to break into the jewellery market right now.
Saving the world one keg party at a time?
Something like that.
- What about you? - What about me?
- Have I seen your work? - I work at Composure.
Fastest-growing women's magazine in the country. I'm impressed.
Saving the world one shopaholic at a time?
Hey! Look here, Sparky.
I have a masters in journalism from Columbia.
My boss loves me, and if I do it her way for a while, I can write what I want.
- Like shoes? - No.
No.
Like alcoholic beverages and athletic gear.
Touché. Very nice.
- So, you've got me all figured out, hey? - Almost.
- I've still got one last question. - Shoot.
True or false?
All's fair in love and war.
True.
- Great answer. - Good question.
Welcome.
Oh, nice place.
- Thank you. - Very tidy.
- Want a cold beer? - Sure. Can I use your restroom?
Yeah, you can. It's up the stairs, through the bedroom.
The first night! I can't believe you!
- Michelle, I'm not sleeping with him. - Hussy. You can't hide those lying eyes.
No! I can practise some self-control, unlike some people I know.
Really? That hurts, kind of.
- I'm going to dangle the bait... - What's the bait?
- I'm the bait, Michelle. - OK, I'm with you. Then what?
A diamond is no one-night stand.
A diamond is a long-term commitment.
- Take notes... - I can't talk. I have to go.
- Call me later, you slut. - OK. Bye.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
OK.
Hey, hey. Let's not go too fast, OK?
Yeah. Yeah.
We're moving too fast.
You're right. It's too fast.
OK.
- Too fast. - Too fast.
- Yeah. - I want you to respect me.
- I do. - OK.
- And I want your respect. - I respect you for respecting me.
- I respect that. - Good.
Goodnight, Andie Anderson.
Oh, you are already falling in love with me.
I'm going to make you wish you were dead. Poor guy.
Of all the women they could've thrown at me! She's amazing.
Hanging with her for ten days will be no problem.
Right. Nine days longer than your other relationships.
That's why I didn't go for gold. I'm taking my time.
- It's a marathon, not a sprint. - Ten days is a marathon?
OK, more like the 3,000 metres hurdles. Point is, she's already on the ropes.
That's a lot of sports analogies.
- That it? - That's it.
- Have you looked inside? - No.
- Do you have an ethical problem with it? - Yeah, I guess I do.
It's hardly a purse. It's more like a clutch.
Guys, a woman's purse. It's her secret source of power.
There are dark and dangerous things in there
we males should know nothing about.
Unless she left it behind intentionally to secure a next-day callback.
She's a very clever minx.
- Oops, I'm sorry. - We gotta clean that up.
Carefully, carefully.
- Oh, what have we here? - Let's see, let's see.
Oh! Knicks tickets.
For tonight's game.
Delivery, Andie.
Andie! Oh, my God!
Wait. One hundred times...
...more beautiful... than one hundred roses.
- Catchy. - He's in advertising, he can't help it.
- Does this mean he's hooked? - It means he found the Knicks tickets.
- You left the tickets in the purse? - Yeah.
You are just on a whole different playing field.
Here you go.
- Andie Anderson. - Hey, hey, pretty girl.
Guess what? I've got a really embarrassing display of white roses.
You are welcome. Last night was wonderful.
- I have your bag. - I know. I can't believe I left it there.
You must need it back, with all that cash, cards and tickets for tonight's game.
Sounds like you've been peeking in my bag.
Absolutely not. Tony, my art director, he's an oaf and knocked it over.
Ow, right, yeah. I'm a clumsy man.
All right, but I'm going to the game with somebody else.
Not any more. Besides, you think you left it by accident?
Subconsciously, you wanted to take me to the game.
Denying your subconscious desires is really bad for your health.
- Does that psychobabble ever work? - You tell me.
Andie, you're so bad!
All right, meet me at the 7th Avenue entrance.
- Seven-thirty, don't be late. - You got it. Bye-bye.
- And that's how it's done. - And that's how it's done.
Foul on number 20, Allan Houston.
- Bullshit! C'mon, ref! - What is that?
Call it both ways!
You're soft, man! You were soft last year and you're still soft!
What was that?
Way to go, Allan!
De-fence.
Come on up! All right, take your time.
It's all right. Twenty seconds.
Knicks' ball.
- Bring 'em back. - Charge!
Benny? Benny, I'm thirsty.
- Benny, can you get me a soda? - There's a minute left of the game.
- I'll go afterwards. - I'm really thirsty. I'll go get it.
- You want it right now? - Yeah.
No ice, Ben. Thanks, Benny.
- My man. Coke, no ice. - Next line over, pal.
Hi, buddy. Small Coke, no ice.
OK, you got it.
...beyond the three-point line, fires...
- Don't let him shoot! - Was that ice or no ice?
No, no ice. Coke, no ice.
- Did you want a small? - No, I want that one.
For 25 cents more, you can get a jumbo.
Take that right there. Keep the change, I'm in a hurry.
Charge!
Excuse me. Ah, excuse me!
- Throw it into the net. - Here's your drink.
Hey! Hold it, hold it. Move it.
- Watch it! Three steps, travel! - Ben, it's not diet!
Please, I'm so thirsty.
With a lime. OK.
Shoot it!
Sprewell for the win... Yes!
It's all over! The Knicks have defeated the Kings in the final seconds!
Sprewell with the game-winning shot. Knicks over Sacramento...
What an incredible game! I've never seen a more exciting game ending.
Wow! No, neither have I.
Hey, hey, hey! It's too bad you missed it.
- Yeah, it's too bad. - One second.
So, are you as nice as you seem, Ben?
No.
Good, neither am I.
Fifth and twelfth, please.
See you later.
Horse shit.
More horse shit.
The horse shit continues. Horse shit. Come on, people!
We've got to do a lot better if we're... What?
- Phone call for Mr Barry. - Can you take a message?
Mr Barry, it's Andie.
- Make it quick. - I will.
- It's line two, Mr Barry. - Thank you.
It's me!
- I'm in a meeting. Can I call you back? - I miss you, Benny Boo-Boo-Boo.
I miss you, too.
- You busy tonight? - No, why don't we catch a movie?
- My choice? - Your choice.
I'm so excited! OK, I'll call you later.
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
I always wanted a man like Tom Hanks.
- It's my favourite movie of all time. - Me, too.
Shh!
What if something had happened to you? What if I couldn't get to you?
- What are you thinking about? - Nothing, the movie.
- But what's on your mind? - I like this movie.
Oh, so I suppose your mind is a complete blank?
- Who is she? - Who's who?
- The girl you're thinking about. - Can't hear.
I'm not thinking about a girl.
You can't watch Meg Ryan for two hours and not be thinking about another girl.
- Wanna know what I'm thinking about? - Yes.
I'm thinking about how damn beautiful you are.
That's what I'm thinking about. So, watch this movie, it's good.
Oh... Benjy!
Oh, sweetie!
- I love sharing this with you. - Yeah.
- Can't hear and can't see. - If you don't shut up,
my boyfriend is gonna pummel your ass.
Put a muzzle on her next time you bring her out in public.
- What is that? Do something... - You, outside.
Have a little class. Don't talk like that to a lady.
- Ben... he's huge. - I'm not looking for a fight.
He owes you an apology.
I'm going back inside to finish watching Sleepless In Seattle.
Nobody screw with me.
- Son of a bitch! - Oh, Ben.
Are you OK? Ben, maybe we should get you to a hospital.
No, you could've... Excuse me.
Hey, could you hold still right there?
Oh, yeah. I'm starting to feel a little better.
Ben! Oh, my God. You're fine.
OK. Come on, Rocky. Get up.
Ouch! Yeah.
Don't feel bad. If I had a nickel for every fist fight I got into during a chick flick...
It wasn't that bad.
Getting punched in the face sucked, but getting cared for afterwards was nice.
Oh, yeah. Florence Nightingale syndrome.
- Shall I tape the game for you tonight? - No need.
I'll be watching the Knicks from the comfort of my own home.
How'd you swing that?
- The coup de grâce. Heavyweight. - You're making the lamb.
- A woman loves a man who can cook. - Bringing out the big guns.
- They forgot my bacon again. - I can't believe you got him knocked out.
Only for a few seconds.
He was the most adorable unconscious man ever.
Are you dating him or are you contemplating adoption?
Andie, I am loving your notes on this piece.
- Thanks. - When do you see him again?
Tonight. He's invited me over for dinner.
Marvellous. I've got a feeling about this one.
Thanks, Lana.
I hate it when she pops her head in like that.
I heard that. And Andie, tonight, take smaller bites.
Oh, my God!
Disgusting. I can barely eat over here.
Come on in, the door's open.
- Hi. - Hey, there.
I hope you brought your appetite, girl. We've got a feast tonight.
Benny, isn't that sweet?
Pour yourself a glass of wine.
We got dinner in about five, tip-off in about eight.
Great, I'm starving.
Oh, so perfectly pink!
Pour la piece de résistance.
Sheryl, Tori, Sinéad, Jewel, Fiona, Carly...
...the gang's all here!
Great.
Got two minutes to game time.
You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
Wow, look at all this stuff.
- You had one eye in the mirror - Cute.
Saw the new comforter.
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be Ben's partner, they'd be Ben's partner
- You're so vain - What's in the box?
Oh...
- It's a baby fern. - Really?
It's like our relationship. A helpless little baby in need of tender loving care.
- Thank you. - You had me several years ago
Sit down.
Have a seat. Get ready.
Game two. Welcome to the front row, madam.
Oh, up here!
Dinner is served. Chef's special tonight, lamb with a cherry glaze.
Start you off with the main dish, right about there.
A few carrots...
Whoa. Hey, hey. You OK?
It's beautiful.
- Thanks. - You're beautiful.
The game, the whole thing...
I wish I ate meat.
Mary had a little lamb, little lamb...
Take it away before I gag.
This stuff's for cows.
- Hi. - How are you doing?
- It's just a little indigestion. - Are you OK?
Excuse me. Do you know the score of the Knicks game?
Do I look like the kind of person who would?
No, you don't.
Is something wrong with the barley?
No, no...
My boyfriend thinks I'm fat!
And I can't eat in front of him. I can't eat in front of you!
- I have to go to the bathroom. - I don't think you're...
I don't think she's fat.
What's happening?
Spree just tied it up. 23 seconds left, Knicks ball.
Oh, come on!
There it is.
That was in! Come on, get it back.
Get the ball back!
- Get back! - No! Damn!
And the game has run out. The Kings have their first win of the series.
Next game.
Well, that was fun.
Eleven twenty-five sports. There we are.
- Sorry we missed the game. - Pose, pose.
Come back. Reverse! There we go, baby.
- Can't believe he missed that shot. - Take it! Take it!
How'd you know he was going to miss it?
He always misses the shot from the top of the key.
Houston never misses from the top of the key.
Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?
Who's she?
No, no, no. Whoa, whoa.
You're kidding me, right?
Little? Big? I don't know, we will find out!
Hang on, there. Oh, no.
Listen, you can't name my member Princess Sophia.
- Yes, I can. - If you're gonna name my member,
it's got to be something masculine like Spike, Butch or Krull the Warrior King.
What did you just say?
Spike. You know what I mean?
- No, after Spike. - Butch.
After Butch.
Krull the Warrior King.
Does Krull the Warrior King want to come out and play?
- Oh, come on. - No.
- Krully-Wully! Krull! - You know what?
Due to intense humiliation,
the King has momentarily abdicated his throne.
In that case...
...I'd better get going.
Take care of our love fern, honey.
Hi.
- Can I see you tomorrow? - Really?
I hope so.
- Call me. And I'll call you. - Sweet dreams.
Answer your phone.
What?
- What was icy again? - Arctic, freezing, frigid.
- And glitter? - Thayer's favourite movie.
It was underrated.
Glint, glisten, scintillation.
- Scintillation's not bad. - It sucks.
Guys, let's take a break. A little coffee, nine-ball.
Maybe I'll be able to concentrate, as the woman is driving me crazy.
Which one, Andie or Princess Sophia?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
After the game, you called her a goddess.
Oh, she was. That was the good Andie, this amazing, fun, cool, sexy woman.
I'm talking about the evil Andie. It's like a crack-enhanced Kathie Lee Gifford.
- She's probably bipolar. - Her south pole's definitely prevailing.
All you got to do is rock her for five more days.
- Muffin! - Shouldn't be too hard.
- Hi! - Andie!
Sweetie, we were just talking about you! Hello, there.
- You look gorgeous. - Thank you.
- This is Tony and this is Thayer. - Benny-Wenny's told me all about you.
Well, Benny-Wenny's said wonderful things about you.
They don't look so simple-minded.
Honey, look what I got for us.
Look at that! Come on.
- Wow. - Look at him go. What is it?
- It's a Chinese Crested, of course. - No kidding, a Chinese Crested.
So, it's like a dog, right?
- Whoa! There he is! - Ben, you're hurting Krull's feelings.
- Krull, is it? - Krull the Warrior King.
- Sure, that's clearly what... - Wait, there's more.
What's that? For me? Get out of town.
- Try it on. - It's like the inside of a raincoat.
- Matching! - That's going to fit nicely.
No, Ben, put it on.
You should. In case it doesn't fit.
- Manners never hurt anybody. - I was saving it for a special occasion.
Oh, yeah, it's nice. Huh?
You're a vision in khaki.
It's gonna be a happy family.
- Just the three of us. - We are, aren't we?
- Wow. - He's our boy, Ben.
See, that's sweet.
Hey, Andie, it's good to see you too, sweetie. Gotcha!
He's not potty-trained yet.
- Oh, wow. He's a pisser! - Oh, God. No!
Come here, tinkle king.
You tinkle-tinkles.
Well, congratulations, little plaid family.
We've got work to do, but we're on for poker at your house this week, huh?
Boys' night!
It was nice meeting you and Krull.
Bye. Say bye, Krully.
A little soap and water'll fix it.
Come here.
- Do you love him? - Oh, I do.
Look at Krull's necklace. It's got more ice than Liberace, don't you?
It's just a little frosting.
- Frosting? - Frosting.
We were thinking bold, new, fresh.
- Frost yourself. - Excuse me?
The slogan for the campaign.
- You frost a cake. - I'm talking diamonds.
They're frosting. As in, Whoa, would you check out her frosting?
Frost yourself. How did you come up with it?
From the woman who's fallen for me.
It may work, but as for her falling in love with you,
- I'll decide that at the party. - If you get her there.
Just think about it, Ladies, frost yourself.
Frost yourself.
- Introduce it at the party. - It'll be the theme! Everything frosted.
- Martini glasses. - Chandeliers.
- Jewels everywhere. - The women.
- The whole party a sparkling diamond. - All of it frosted.
- Women of New York, frost yourselves! - Hey, frost this!
Well, I like it.
Yeah, yeah. I hear you.
You have 17 new messages.
Message 1 received at 5.44.
- Hi, sweetie-pea. Where are you? - I'm not home.
- Message 2, 5.47. - It's Andie. Guess you're not home.
- Message 3, received 5.48. - Are you not answering your phone?
- Message 4, received 5.49. - Hey, buddy. Game 3 tonight.
Blondie's, don't be late.
- Who is it? - It's me.
It's me!
- Ow! - What a surprise!
- I tried to get hold of you. - Yeah?
- I did something kind of wacky. - Yeah?
I composited our faces together to see what our kids would look like.
Our Family Album!
You don't want to see our children?
We don't have... children.
You know what? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
Show me, show me. Please, show me.
- We don't have children! - I thought you meant Krull. I just...
- Can I see them? - You don't want to.
I do. Please, please show 'em to me. I really do want to see 'em.
Really?
- Yeah. - OK.
That's our wedding.
And this is our first child, Benny Junior.
Yeah.
There's us vacationing in Hawaii.
Little Andie's on my shoulders and... Benjamin Junior on yours.
There's little Andie. There are the kids in Switzerland, yodel-odel-ing!
Our kids are really... attractive.
Yeah.
Hey, Mom. I'm doing fine, yeah.
- Yeah, she is. One second. It's for you. - Oh, great.
- Hi, Glenda. - Why is my mom calling you?
I just showed him.
Yeah. Well, he thinks our children will be very attractive.
No! All right, you go back to cooking.
Call me later. Tomorrow, great. OK, Glenda. Love you, too. Bye.
- Thanks, honey. - Yeah.
So, you and my mom, you talk, huh?
I called her to get some baby pics of you for our book.
Hey, you never told me that you wore diapers till you were five.
- I gotta go to the... - Uh-oh.
Oh, no. Come on.
Do you think maybe he thinks the felt is grass?
Oh, no, no! Man, come on!
Hey, Benny-Bear.
- Do you have plans tonight? - Tonight?
- I have another surprise for you. - You know what?
- Not a good night. I gotta work. - Oh, no.
I know, we got a Knicks game on, I had a broccoli casserole planned.
That's off too, 'cause I gotta work.
That's too bad, I had tickets for tonight.
- Tickets? - Great tickets!
Front row seats, right in the action. I mean, you can smell sweat!
I guess I...
I... I don't really have to.
I'll call Tony, he can fill in for me!
- Great! - Oh, yeah. Thank you!
- Honey, you're more than welcome. - Yes!
Oh, look what time it is. Huh?
This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I am going to share it with you.
...reaches up, she brings it down.
It's the most powerful thing I've ever... seen.
After all this, he still didn't leave you?
I tell you, this calls for drastic measures. Come on, guys, concentrate.
Are you being clingy?
- Clingy, needy, whiny. - Baby-talk?
Occasionally. I could kick that up a notch.
- I obsessed over Mike's old girlfriends. - Better yet, talk about old boyfriends.
It's good, but it won't crack this guy. This is Defcon 5!
I have to do something truly appalling. It's not funny.
I have to think of something before tomorrow.
- Why not tonight? - Poker night. Boys' night out.
Mike had a boys' night.
- You're giving him a boys' night? - They do it every week.
- Before he met you. - What are you suggesting?
I think you know.
Feel lucky, boys?
- You know, Ben... - That's two bucks.
...I feel luckier than you. I didn't sit through a Celine Dion concert.
- That's what true love is all about. - I fold.
Raise fifty. She's in love with you?
Is she? She's planning the wedding!
All right, guys. Read 'em and weep. I got ladies over fours.
- Damn. - Nothing.
- I have a three and an ace. - It does not get better than this.
- Look at that. - Honeykins, I'm home.
- Hi, honey. - Hey, Andie.
- She has a key? - Is that legal?
I wasn't expecting you.
How'd you get a key?
Oh, honey, Francesco, your super, made me a copy.
Francesco, huh?
- You're not mad, are you, Binky-Winky? - No, I'm not mad. No, no, no.
You know the guys. Tony, Thayer, Francis...
- Watch the felt! - Tony, hi.
- Ronald. - Hello.
- Joe. - Hey.
- I didn't mean to interrupt your game. - We got it.
- I brought some yummy snacks. - Snacks? Mmm.
The game is... Hold 'Em.
Three up for company. Ante a dollar, please.
- Tony. Yucky, yucky pizza! - Oh, no.
Yummy, yummy cucumber sandwich!
First card up is a nine.
- Take one. - Yeah, sure.
- Good boys. - Put that over there. Thanks.
- Three up. - You follow?
Look around the horn, look around the horn.
Thanks, Benny.
Thayer! That means you too, Thayer.
Everyone in for a buck. Next card, five. Nines and fives. Back to you, T-Dog.
Nine and a seven. Go for the straight.
- That's you. Tony, you're up. - She told you my hand.
- Peek-a-boo! - Oh, hi!
- Are we gonna play cards here? - What game are we playing?
I'm already maxed out. We got a nine up.
Blow. Nobody likes Mr Sniffles.
- I hate Mr Sniffles. - Come on, stuffy head.
- Good, good. White. Healthy boy. - Good.
Healthy.
Oh, no.
Oh, no!
Our love fern! It's dead.
- No, honey, it's just sleeping. - You let it die.
Are you gonna let us die?
You should think about that.
What the hell's a love fern?
All right, guys. Let's try to get through one hand.
- Is she on something? - God, I hope so.
Hi.
Are you saying I'm some kind of mental person?
- No, no, he wasn't... - Oh, Tony!
- He meant... - That's it!
- That is it. - Andie?
I'm taking this love fern with me.
Hang on.
Hey. Hey, hey. What just happened in there?
I'm gonna go listen. Quietly.
This is getting really creepy. You're acting completely insane.
Oh, so I am insane?
No, you're acting insane. Shut up, Krull.
- He's an innocent animal! - He'll live.
I can't be with someone who dislikes animals and thinks I'm mental.
That's what I'm talking about.
Where's the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew?
The one who wanted to be a serious journalist, huh?
You're up, you're down, you're like a one-woman circus!
- I guess this means we're over. - I guess so.
- Fine. - Fine.
Oh, finally.
- It's over, man. - No, no, no.
- It is, man. - Four more days!
Guys, you were here. Did you see her homage to The Exorcist?
- I did. I thought it was sexy. - It was not sexy.
- He's right. Forget it. - He's right.
Do you think Spears and Green will like their new office?
Sure. And he gets to sell footballs for the rest of his life.
- Or a really good douche campaign. - Hey, it's done.
- What? - Couples therapy.
Every time my wife wants a divorce, I suggest couples therapy.
- It's true. She hates him. - Couples therapy.
Couples therapy!
- Come on! - Couples therapy!
Can you forgive me? I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry.
I am way out of line, Andie. Can you give me another chance?
Haven't you had enough?
- I'm willing to do anything. - Get up.
I'll do anything, Andie.
Look, what do you think about... couples therapy?
Couples therapy?
Thayer has this doctor, says he's a hell of a guy.
No. I know a therapist who'll work wonders with somebody like you.
- That's what I need. - I'll get an emergency session.
- Baby, whatever it takes. - I guess.
Thank you, sweetheart.
- Thank you for understanding. - I love you, Binky.
But I don't have to like you right now.
Thank you, Andie.
Dammit! Shit!
If you're really going to commit to this, you'll have to open up.
- Dig deep. - OK.
Bare your soul. Show me your teeth.
Andie Anderson. Benjamin Barry.
Please come in. Hi. Welcome.
Before we start, how will you be paying?
- Sweetie? - How much is it?
- $300. - 300?
- Whatever it takes. - So tell me,
- how long have you been going out? - Seven days.
- Seven days. Interesting. - Is that too soon to see a therapist?
- Seven days isn't like a lifetime, but... - It's like a week.
Did you hear that tone?
How can we not have a gulf between us with a tone like that?
How are things between you sexually?
- We haven't had sex. - No, Ben has a little problem.
- I don't have a problem. - You do.
- I do not have a problem. - It's a big problem.
- I don't. - You do.
The one night that we even thought about having sex,
- she decides to nickname my... - Penis.
Princess Sophia! Talk about shooting a man's horse!
I thought it was a beautiful name.
I see, Benjamin.
When did you first realise you were attracted to other men?
- What? - That's serious.
Benjamin, this is a safe space.
It's simple, I like women. It just happened that way.
Methinks thou doth protesteth too much.
You see? This is the shit I'm talking about. What the hell's that?
- This is what she does. Stop that! - I'm hearing a lot of latent anger here.
- Rage-oholic. - I'm not a rage-oholic!
Take a deep breath for me, Ben.
OK, just let it go... Yeah.
- I feel better. - OK. Come here.
I've seen this before. I've seen it many times.
- Yeah. - Would you two like to be left alone?
Maybe you should get a room.
You are hitting on our shrink!
- No, I'm not. - You are!
- You are a pathological flirt! - Five seconds ago I'm gay!
- I sweat when I get nervous. - Which one is it?
Besides, why hit on another woman?
You've got enough personalities to keep me occupied.
- That was hurtful. - OK. Ben, are you ashamed of Andie?
Of course he is.
- I'm not ashamed. - How do you think that makes me feel?
It's like, when I talked to his mother... he freaked out.
Now, you did that behind my back.
- I just wanted to say hi. - Want to talk to my mother?
Then talk to her. If you want to talk to the whole family, you can.
We can go to Staten Island for the weekend.
Now, that is a positive idea, Ben.
- It is? - How about it? Andie?
- What? - Would you like to go to Staten Island?
Uncle Ben, hi.
Yes, ma'am.
- Hey, Mom, Pop, we're here. - Bullshit!
- Who's that handsome guy? - My dad as a navy ensign.
- He got stationed here ten years ago. - Bullshit!
- Hey, darling. - How are you?
- Good. - Know who this is?
I do. See if the baby needs changing.
Hey, Andie. I'm so happy to have you here in the flesh.
- You're just as pretty as you sound. - Glenda!
I'm coming!
- Oh, yeah. And this is Joey Junior. - Bullshit!
The whole family suffers from Tourette's. Joey suffers from being stinky.
We're gonna get you cleaned up. Go on out back, have a good time.
- Got you. - OK.
Hi. He got you.
- Uncle Arnold has three kings. - Yeah, right.
Now, dare I say it or not? I'm just gonna say it. Bullshit!
- Hi. - Oh!
- Wow. - Andie, come on out here.
- Meet everybody. This is Ben's father... - Well, hello!
Welcome to our humble abode.
- This is our Uncle Arnold. - Hi, Uncle Arnold.
He farts like a howitzer. But he's family, what can you do?
- Intestinal complications. - Yeah, right.
- Did you meet Joey? - A female Andy?
- L-E. - Nice to meet you.
The game is Bullshit and you're in time for the lightning round.
- I don't know how to play. - It's very simple.
The trick is to get rid of all the cards in your hand.
I'm gonna look at my hand. Do you know, I've got two aces here?
What do you say to that?
What are you gonna say?
- I say bullshit. - I didn't quite hear what she said.
- I said bullshit! - She knows how to play the game.
- Here's Daddy. - Come to Poppa.
Slick as a whistle. How are you, Unc? Pop?
How you doing, buddy?
- Want to join us? - Good luck.
The expert's here. OK, we went through the deck, let's start again.
We've got a two. Let's see, I got myself one deuce here.
Bullshit.
Human lie detector.
Try this, son. Two threes.
- One four. - Three fives.
Bullshit.
- See whose name's on top there? - Yes. It says Ben with a star next to it.
- Still want to bullshit me? - You must be so proud.
I'm doing my best.
- Yes! We've got... - No, I told the truth!
- Three fives. - He's good. He's the champ.
- What am I? - Sixes.
- One six. - All right. Look what I got.
The key to this game is being able to read people.
- Two eights. - Bullshit, Mama.
I'm gonna have to hurt you.
Mom's never been that great at it, but why?
It's 'cause I'm so pure of heart.
Bullshit!
Hello, where is everybody?
- This is Andie. My sister, Dora. - Nice to meet you.
She's kicking Ben's ass in Bullshit.
- I like this girl. - That's right.
Ben's starting a card collection.
Let me get back on track here.
Three ladies. What have you got to say about that?
Bullshit.
You heard me. I said bullshit.
- What is that, seven in a row, Sparky? - I think he's met his match.
Well, it's... all about reading people.
- Loser. - OK. Two kings.
Bullshit?
Bullshit!
You have met your match.
And you, Mom, Miss Pure of Heart.
You're hiding behind that badge, cheating me.
Betrayed by my own parents!
The only honest man here is Uncle Arnold, and he's asleep.
- But I won. - I'm gonna play with the kids.
Maybe they won't lie and cheat.
Andie, I hope you know we're expecting you to come back.
Because you have held Ben to his lowest Bullshit score since his tonsillectomy.
- And we are thrilled! - Lowest!
Were his other girlfriends Bullshit losers?
- What girlfriends? - Ma, he's picky.
You are the first girl he has ever brought home.
Don't you break his heart, now.
And that dress, Andie, does that come in my size?
The other side.
- My turn? - Yes, ma'am.
- It's heavy. - Turn it on. Good.
- Keep the clutch in. - That one?
- Brake right, gears left, one down. - OK.
To take off, you're gonna give a little on the clutch, go a little here.
A little give, a little go.
- How does it go? - A little give and a little go.
I got it. I got it.
Voila, voila, voila!
There's a lot of cool things about a bike.
Use less gas, no traffic jams, park wherever you want.
But at the end of the day, chicks dig 'em.
You look so cute. Let me ask you a question.
- Chicks dig this? - Yes, chicks dig this.
- I turned! - Who's driving like a pro?
Look at you.
Look at this look.
Now, this shower is a little bit tricky.
The hot is actually cold, the cold is hot. You gotta crank it all the way up.
And if somebody flushes the toilet in Bayonne, you'll get scalded.
The towels are right there.
Everything all right?
Oh, no, it's more than OK.
I love everything about this house. The noise, the smells.
Oh, the smells. That's Uncle Arnold.
What's wrong?
It's just that when your mom hugged me today...
...she really hugged me.
For winning a game of Bullshit.
Sweetie, that's a good thing.
Smile.
Smile. Now, come on, give me a smile.
OK, that's hideous, you're scaring me.
- This is home, huh? - This is home.
Hey, listen.
Tomorrow night, there's a party for that diamond account.
- I want you to come with me. - OK.
- OK? - Yeah.
As my girlfriend.
- Are you calling me your girlfriend? - Yeah, I think I am.
Tomorrow's the tenth day we've been together.
Maybe after that we'll know.
Listen, don't make any plans for day thirteen, OK?
'Cause... we have a game to go to.
They're not the best seats, but this is game seven.
Yes?
Come here.
- OK. - Yes?
Lana...
I can't write this article.
- Is your computer broken? - I've got to know this guy.
Andie, do you see any patches or insignia anywhere on my clothing?
No.
I'm not your girl scout leader, I'm your boss.
You'll write the article.
This cover is now at the printer.
The special section on diamonds will take care of my ad quota for the year.
- I want copy on my desk in 48 hours. - OK. But, Lana...
No But, Lana. You'll do it.
Because you're a professional.
Yes, I am.
You're beautiful.
You look pretty good too, Sparky.
- Champagne, madam? - Thank you.
Chalk one up to couples therapy.
Wow. Some party.
You're gonna do great.
- I'm gonna get us some drinks. - Good.
And while I do that, would you please...
...head over there and frost yourself?
- I can wear those? - Yes, ma'am, you can.
- Phillip! - Lana.
I don't see you for ages and you throw the bash of the year.
- Glad you could make it. - Like them?
- It suits you. - I know. Harry Winston.
How did you get all these jewellers to appear at the same event?
- At the request of Mrs DeLauer. - Really?
You see, Mr DeLauer controls 70% of the world's diamonds,
and Mrs DeLauer controls Mr DeLauer.
- You're bad! - Enjoy.
- And this is real? - No, no. I insist.
- Yes, sir. - Such beauty should be celebrated.
- Isadora? - Oh, no. I'm Andie.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Andie, but this is Isadora.
Turn, turn, s'il vous plaît.
84 carats. Named for Isadora Duncan.
Congratulations. You got her here.
- The question remains... - Does she, or doesn't she?
We'll find out.
- An angel of God. I am Frederick. - Andie Anderson.
It looks like you've got some competition, anyway.
Miss Anderson will be wearing Isadora for the evening.
Enjoy the party, Andie.
Merci beaucoup.
- Oh, that's stunning. - Fabulous.
Excuse me. Two champagnes, please, sir.
Pardon me, young man. Would you order me a whisky sour?
- Yes, ma'am, I can. Mrs DeLauer? - Yes.
- Ben Barry, Warren Advertising. - How do you do?
Nice to finally meet you.
I'm very happy to meet you too, that's for sure.
A whisky sour, please.
I promise you our presentation will not weary you in the wrong way.
I cannot wait to see what you present...
Ladies, do you see what I see?
- That's ridiculous. She couldn't possibly. - Don't be so sure.
She might, possibly. I think I'll go find out.
Excuse me. You're... Andie, yes?
- Yes. - I'm Phillip Warren.
- You're Ben's boss. - That's right.
- Hi, pleasure to meet you. - Likewise.
I understand you've been an inspiration to Ben in more ways than one.
And I must say, you look rather inspired yourself.
There isn't a diamond that sparkles like a woman in love.
Oh, no, no.
- I'm not in love. - No?
- I guess I was mistaken. - No, no. I mean...
I've only known him for ten days.
You can't... I can't be...
Ben is a very lucky man.
- Excuse me. - Yeah.
Mr Warren, please don't tell him. Please don't.
Thank you.
- Ben. - Hello, gentlemen.
- She loves you, she loves you not? - Don't know. We'll see.
- Ben. - Mr Warren.
Saw her, met her, she loves you. You win, get ready to pitch.
- Congratulations, point man. - We're very proud.
So, you're the new point man on the DeLauers.
She loves me.
Good for you. And good for whoever she is.
- Thank you so much. - You're so very welcome.
- Gloating, are we? - Yeah, pretty much. Warren told us.
You don't mess with my man Ben.
- Your man Ben is a cheater. - The girl knew about the bet all along.
She played along so he'd win.
Tell him to enjoy his short-lived, ill-gotten victory. We're going to talk to Warren.
No...
- Let's... - Couldn't be...
- Hey! Remember us? - Hi.
You know, Warren is gonna come over here in a minute
and it would be so great
if you could just, you know, act like you don't know about the bet.
If you could tell him that you really, truly, love Ben,
that you weren't just pretending so that he'd win.
That would be huge.
What's the average Composure reader like?
Spunky. Insatiable. Uppity? You bet.
Excuse me, Lana,
there is a beautiful woman in a yellow dress that I must go to.
- That's my How To girl. - How To?
Right now, she's doing an article called How To...
...Lose A Guy In Ten Days.
Just look him in the eye.
You love Ben, you don't know about a bet.
- Love, no bet. - I understand.
- Awesome. - Thank you, you look beautiful.
This poor schmuck she's been pretending to date, no, actually dating.
She's doing the most atrocious things to him.
She's actually named...
She's named his...
You're Krull.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I ask you to be seated?
- Now we're all suitably frosted... - Benjamin, where have you been?
...and the ladies do look lovely,
please help me give a warm welcome to our special guests this evening,
Mr and Mrs Frederick DeLauer.
And now I want to introduce a true musical legend,
who'll perform some of his Oscar, Grammy,
Tony and Emmy award-winning songs,
Mr Marvin Hamlisch.
Thank you very much. I'd like to do...
Oh, yes! Give another hand for... Marvin Hamlisch is in the house!
A lot of you don't know Benjamin Barry. Well, shame on you.
'Cause he is a talented advertising executive,
a knowledgeable sports fan and wagering enthusiast.
But most impressively, he is one hell of a singer.
And he's prepared a little musical snack for his new special friend, Mrs DeLauer.
- Isn't that wonderful? - So, Ben, why don't you come up here
and sing your song?
Come on, Ben. Ladies and gentlemen, Benjamin Barry!
Come on, Ben.
Thank you. Andie! Whoa, don't run off!
You do not want this young lady to leave the room.
Thayer, Tony, would you stop her, please?
You see, tonight, the really special event is that we will be singing a duet.
Yes, Miss Andie Anderson. Give her a warm round of applause.
Knock 'em out.
What will our song be? Maybe one of her personal favourites.
Marvin, do you know You're So Vain?
- That's not one of my songs. - Can you work with me? Yeah?
You walked into the party, like you were walking onto a yacht
You had your hat pulled down strategically over one eye
- You had a scarf, it was apricot - Strategically tipped below one eye
...one eye in the mirror
- As you made sure you had a real cool - Gavotte
And all the girls think that they'd be your partner, they'd be his partner, 'cause
He's so vain, you probably think this song is about you
Ben Barry, you're so vain
You probably think this song is about you, don't you, don't you?
Tone deaf and drunk is a bad combination.
You fooled me to win a bet and you should be ashamed.
You took me to a Celine Dion concert. You made me miss the big game.
Smart guy's a rhymer! Do we want them to know your love-making is lame?
Maybe 'cause you named my penis, yeah, you named my penis,
you named my penis after a dame!
You really should get over that.
- Come on, you're so vain. - No, you are.
It's the worst thing I've ever heard.
'Cause you're so vain!
You know the words so well, don't you? There she goes.
Thanks, guys.
Take it from here, Marvin.
Wasn't she wearing the Isadora diamond?
Isadora? Oh, mon Dieu! Security!
Oh, no, no. Hold on, Andie Anderson, I'm not done with you.
You used me to get ahead in your work.
You arrogant, back-stabbing jerk.
- Lady, hold it! - You drove me mad for an article.
You said you could make any girl fall in love with you, and I was Exhibit A.
- Time out. - What?
Please, just give me the necklace. Then you can go on and kill each other.
That's what I was, huh? I was a guinea pig. Someone to test your theories on.
Yeah, and I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.
Big deal. I'm sure now you can even use it as a little twist in your story.
Good idea, maybe we should bet on it.
Know what? You did your job.
You wanted to lose a guy in ten days. Congratulations, you just lost him.
No, I didn't, Ben.
'Cause you can't lose something you never had.
Well... it's not what I expected.
It's better. Congratulations.
This shows me you're ready to be unleashed.
From now on, feel free to write about anything.
- Anything? - Wherever the wind blows you.
- Even politics? - No, the wind won't blow you there.
What about religion, poverty, economics?
This wind is really more of a light breeze.
- What can I write about, Lana? - Whatever you want.
Shoes, laser therapy, dressing for your body-type.
Use your imagination. The sky is the limit.
- Thank you for this opportunity. - OK.
And thank you for making it easy for me to turn down.
It's not something I'm proud of.
Obviously, if I could do it over again, I'd do some things differently.
It's good to talk to you, man. It really is.
I know. You're the only one that knows us both.
You wanna go?
You wanna go to the game?
Go ahead, 'cause I'm not going.
The seventh and final game of a classic series...
Sweetie, I wouldn't have gone, either.
I mean, I'd have liked to, but you probably wouldn't let me.
You're doing the right thing.
Oh, sweetie!
There's the Chinese.
I'm coming.
- OK, so that's gonna be... - Michelle.
Andie, that wasn't the Chinese.
- It's Mike! - Mike?
- Yeah, what do I do? - Talk to him.
OK, all right.
OK.
Mike?
- Mike! - Hi.
Hi.
- So... what are you doing here? - I don't know, exactly...
It was last night. I was... just lying there, trying to sleep.
You know that perfume you sprayed on my pillow?
- Oh, yeah. - Well, that smell is gone now.
And, Michelle, I want it back.
I don't know if you can have it back.
Right...
Yeah. OK.
But I am...
...willing to consider it.
OK. Yeah.
- These are for you. - Thank you.
Hi.
I remember where you live.
Who needs men?
Ladies, frost yourselves.
And, cut it! Very nice.
- Superbe. - OK, let's go one more.
- Magnifique. - All right.
Tim, can I see playback?
Open me, Ben. Please break my binding. Please!
- You might wanna read this. - No, thanks.
OK. I've lost a guy and I don't know why. What went wrong?
When I started this column, I wanted to commit those silly dating faux pas.
What I didn't realise was that I was making the biggest mistake of all.
Here. Trust me.
Read it.
Excuse me, Andie Anderson?
- Excuse me, ma'am. - Holy crap.
- Where's Andie Anderson? - She's not here.
- She quit. - She has an interview in DC.
- When's she leaving? - Today.
- When? - Like, now.
- You're not a therapist, are you? - Oh... no!
Good job, though.
You owe me 300 bucks.
- Pull over, we need to talk. - Are you trying to get yourself killed?
- If that's what it takes. Now, pull over. - Excuse me, sir. Could you pull over?
We're on a bridge, lady. I can't pull over here.
OK. Do you have an ashtray or something I can throw up in?
- What the hell was that? - Is this true?
- Ben, please. - Is this true?
- Or are you just selling magazines? - I meant every word.
Where are you going?
- I have an interview. - Yeah, in Washington, I know.
Where are you going?
It's the only place I can write what I wanna write.
I'm not buying that. You can write anywhere.
I think you're running away.
Save your mind games for your next bet. I am not running away.
Bullshit.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
Bullshit.
Hey, lady. What do you wanna do?
Take her luggage back to her place, she has alternate transportation.
Are you calling my bluff?
You bet I am.
Look who came with me.
It's our love fern! Oh, Benny Boo-Boo-Boo!